Hilarious Halloween Jokes For Adults1. Why wouldn’t the barman get the ghost a drink? Because they didn’t serve spirits. 2. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates. 3. Why do witches make great wives? Because they promise a wonderful hex life. 4. Vampires sleep all day. Fly wherever they want for free. Can’t see themselves in a mirror. Where do I sign up? 5. What words of wisdom did Mum give to her kids on Halloween night? Remember kids, I like Snickers, M and M’s and Peanut Butter Cups. 6. What did the old lady say to Death? Nice hoodie. 7. What did the witch say to her new husband? Take a good look, it’s the only time you’ll see me holding a broom. 8. Why don’t vampires strike at retirement homes? Because everyone’s on blood thinners. 9. What did the monster say to Dr. Frankenstein? You complete me. 10. What did the ghost say to the psychiatrist? I used to be somebody. 11. What do ghosts call irons? Anti-ageing products. 12. What did the witch say at the Department of Motor Vehicles? As a matter of fact, I can drive a stick. 13. Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to the others side. 14. Why was the ghost arrested? Possession. 15. That awkward moment when a zombie is looking for brains. And it walks right past you. 16. If one door opens when another one closes… Your house is haunted. 17. Did you hear about the teenage ghost who lay on the couch all day? It was a case of paranormal inactivity. 18. Why wouldn’t they let the Grim Reaper in the sauna? He always ended up looking like death warmed-up. 19. My Grandma always makes a big effort for Halloween. Cobwebs on the ceiling, dead insects in the windows, a skeleton on the couch. Pity she wasn’t home. 20. It’s crazy out there! I’ve just killed 25 zombies so far! But why the hell are they all carrying candy? 21. I visited a real graveyard today. I logged onto Google Plus.
5 Signs You’re Too Old For Trick Or Treating....1. People say, “great mask” and you’re not wearing one. 2. When the door opens and you yell, “Trick or……….” and you can’t remember the rest. 3. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. 4. When you have to ask for soft candy only because of your dentures. 5. When they ask if you want a trick or treat and you say wine.
If you thought those adult Halloween jokes were funny, you’ll love these Halloween gift ideas.